Communication or The Importance of Being Honest

I always thought I was a great communicator. I am good at conveying sometimes difficult to understand information to groups of people (thank you Chemistry Education curriculum). I am good at talking. I talk to people all the time and have great conversations. However, I just learned that those things do not a good communicator make. I have discovered that one of the things I do that makes me fall short in communication is avoiding any conversation that can cause conflict or hurt feelings. Now, don't get me wrong; trying to not hurt people's feelings is not a fault by itself. That is actually a good thing. I think it is important to note that I think my relatively large ability to empathize with people is something that I really like about myself. Sometimes it can be an issue.

Let's talk a "for example" to see if I can express more clearly what is in my brain.

About two years ago (as many of you may have noticed) I fell off of the face of the earth. As I was coming to accept myself and my sexuality I thought it would be best for people to "remember the old Mark" that fit into their mold of goodness. I knew how hard it was for me to accept myself and I felt horrible guilt to force that situation on people. So I didn't. I ghosted. I moved and didn't tell anyone where. I wouldn't return calls or texts. I tried my best to disappear.

(Let's pause and be clear that this decision wasn't meant to be malicious. I think that it was done, honestly, out of love for people in my life that I really didn't want to hurt.)

The above situation is not one that a "good communicator" would choose. Communication - 1 Mark - 0

It has been a huge boon for this issue of communication to be on the forefront of my mind. It has been giving me huge amounts of time to reflect on the parts of my personality that still need to be polished. I'm in the process of maintaining my ability to empathize and feel deeply, while balancing it against the need to be me and the need to be honest with those that are close to me. I'm learning that I cannot be the caretaker of all people's feelings in the world. I will continue to do my best assuage the discomforts of those around me, but I'll do it without sacrificing my stability. And I will do it with honesty and communication.